Tag Archives: social anxiety

Deal with your reality effectively, and with minimum anxiety

This week’s blog is dedicated to my 97 year old grandmother. No, she’s not dead (yet, bless her) which is exactly why I am writing about this amazing lady. It also illustrates how the concepts of Thrive do not shield you from the reality of your situation, rather teaches you how to deal with those realities with minimum stress and anxiety.

My grandma, Denny Bailey, has just got back to her own home after a somewhat gruelling two months in hospital with a bout of pneumonia, followed by a perforated bowel. Her innate determination, fighting spirit, and hugely internal locus of control gave her the strength and courage to battle through the pain and indignity to make sure she got home.

Now, at 97 you would have thought that the fight may be too much for her frail and ageing body – the doctors would not operate on the perforated bowel because of her age. When it was diagnosed, we were all steeling ourselves for the inevitable.

But grandma wasn’t!

She knew she had a fight on her hands, but no way was she going to give up her ghost in a hospital. She wanted to be at home, sitting in her chair, and welcoming the spring once more.

Denny Bailey is what Thrive is all about. She has a deeply internal locus of control, she has very little social anxiety (anyone who can fart in polite company with such elegance and humour deserves immense respect), she has bags of self esteem – all of which shine through blue eyes which still sparkle to date with flirtatious joy.

The following extract is taken from a study by R.A.Emmons and M.E.McCullough called ‘Counting blessings versus Burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. (2003).

“A grateful response to life circumstances may be an adaptive psychological strategy and an important process by which people positively interpret everyday experiences. The ability to notice, appreciate, and savor the elements of one’s life has been viewed as a crucial determinant of well-being (Bryant, 1989; Janoff-Bulman & Berger, 2000; Langston, 1994). Frijda (1988) stated that ‘adaptation to satisfaction can be counteracted by constantly being aware of how fortunate one’s condition is and how it could have been otherwise, or was otherwise before….. enduring happiness seems possible, and can be understood theoretically”.

Now Denny is extremely aware of, and grateful for, the fact that she has enjoyed pretty rude and robust health all her life. But she has, all her life, carried herself with a sense of control and power over the direction of her life, despite her role as a non-driving stay at home housewife reliant on her husband. She has always demonstrated a steely determination, bordering on selfishness, which has carried her through many ups and downs over the years.

And it was with this determination that she understood that she had to put a lot of effort and work into getting herself strong enough again to get home. This was the reality of her situation, and no amount of sugar coating was going to change this. And in spite of the severe disappointment of several missed release dates (inconclusive last minute blood tests meant the docs wouldn’t commit to signing her off, despite her being well enough to skateboard down the corridors of the rehabilitation home) she finally made it last week – tired, weak and frail, but HOME!

If you want to find out how Thrive can help you cope better with the everyday up and down realities of life, check out www.thriveprogramme.org.

I’m feeling a little blue today

‘Feeling depressed’ can cover a wide spectrum of emotions, from the ‘I’m feeling a little blue today’ misery on a cold, grey wet morning, through to the gaping black hole that  looms ever larger in our lives when we’re feeling particularly low.

There are many things which may have triggered off these feelings in the first place, with time and circumstances adding to the overall sense of despair – getting over the loss of a loved one, divorce/splitting from a long term partner, difficult events during childhood, job and money worries, family tragedies, dealing with the aftermath of a traumatic event, the baby blues – modern life is fraught with events which appear to be designed to trip us up along the way.

Yet how is it that one person can overcome the death of a loved one (for example) and still continue a happy and fulfilled existence, whereby the same severity of an event can completely floor someone else? How can one person who has had a rough and abusive childhood, grow into a strong, vibrant and hugely capable person, while another succumbs continually to feelings of anxiety, stress, loss of control?

Or maybe you just do not know where these anxieties are coming from. Maybe you have lived with them for so long now that they almost seem ‘normal’ to you.

Admitting that you are feeling anxious and low is a big step. For some it is like admitting defeat, that you are finally acknowledging that life is getting on top of you and you are not coping.

Seeing your doctor is an obvious and important first step to dealing with your issues.  We will assume for the purposes of this article that your doctor will have ruled out any physical reasons for your depressed feelings. We may also add here that if you are already undergoing any medical treatment for a particular condition, your depressed and low feelings, may be related to your treatment, but may just as equally be triggered by other reasons, rather than the treatment and /or medication itself.

So, you are feeling depressed, low, unhappy and negative. But to make things worse, you are feeling powerless to do anything about it. The more you think about it, the more depressed you feel about it, and the vicious circle keeps spinning.

The Didim Hypnotherapy Clinic practices two very specific, very successful programmes which help to alleviate the symptoms and causes of depression, and open up a much brighter future for the sufferer.    

Your low and anxious feelings may have no graspable root or cause. You may just have this constant low level, but ever present, feeling of anxiety that hovers constantly just underneath the surface of your consciousness. You have never been able to pin it down to anything, and possibly have just written it off as part of your personality. You can imagine it like a jellyfish, with long tentacles disappearing into the darkness of your subconscious. You know it starts somewhere down there, it just looks too frightening to go there!

Pure Hypno-Analysis (PHA) is one of the world’s most effective, and quick, forms of analytical therapy with some outstanding results. It creates a safe, trusting and confidential environment where the natural therapeutic process can work, allowing the client to slowly bring all the bottled-up emotions to the surface. It doesn’t rely on therapist insight, ‘fishing’ techniques, regression techniques or any other ‘invasive’ techniques in order to work effectively. Create the right relationship, show the client how to utilise the natural therapeutic process, and in eight or so sessions the bottled-up emotions can be resolved.

The key thing to remember is that you are not looking for something specific, you are not poking around looking for incidents in your past that may have contributed to your overall feelings of anxiety. You are in fact very relaxed in a hypnotic state and simply letting your subconscious do all the work for you. The journey will undoubtedly be emotional (that is after all what is causing the anxieties in the first place), but will also be therapeutic and you will finish the course with a feeling of lightness and relief.

If, however, you feel that your anxieties can be pinpointed to a specific incident, that they are a culmination of a series of events that have brought you down, or simply that you are a bit melancholic by nature and that you do feel that you allow life to get the better of you too often, then you can only benefit by undergoing Rob Kelly’s Thrive programme.

The Thrive programme is NOT hypnotherapy, is NOT therapy, is NOT counselling, but has been created as a training programme. It is designed for people who want to overcome anything which is holding them back in life. Whether it is fears and phobias, low self-esteem, stress and anxiety, depression, anger, illness, sports performance, weight, smoking, alcohol or any other issues that are preventing you from moving on with life, and being happy and successful. In fact any situation in which stress and disordered thinking are making things worse.    

So if you are feeling low spirited, depressed, blue, totally powerless about your ability to be happy and productive and healthy, the Thrive  programme concentrates on building the three core psychological strengths we use to fight any negative belief or symptom:

  • Putting you back in control
  • Building your self-esteem
  • Reducing your social anxiety

Once you have built up these three core strengths, you will feel much more able to deal with your problems. You will be able to manage your self-esteem, learning how to top it up and keep it at a high level. By doing this you will also be lowering your social anxiety to a level where it doesn’t bother you anymore.

The programme then goes on to illustrate how you can take control of your thinking processes, banishing negative thoughts, and being more capable of dealing with difficult and stressful situations.

So make 2013 the year that you finally take control of your life and really start to Thrive!